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Chapter 15 of 18

When I Grow Too Old to Dream

Chapter 15: The Unredacted File

976 words | 5 min read

The RTI appeal was: granted.

Dr. Fatima called on a Thursday morning — the morning that had become: the investigation's day, the day when things: arrived, because the universe, if it rewarded anything, rewarded: persistence.

"The First Appellate Authority has released the full file," she said. "Unredacted. The names are: visible."

"Why the change?"

"The people whose names were redacted are: dead. All of them. The last one died in 2019. The classification was: protecting living persons. With no living persons to: protect, the file becomes: history. And history belongs to: everyone."

The file arrived by email — scanned, digitised, the pages of Inspector Wilkins' report rendered in: pixels, the handwriting of a British police officer now readable on: a laptop screen in a bookshop on Station Road in Doiwala.

Meri, Amma, and I read it together. At the counter. The retired colonel — Bhandari sahab, who had by now become: the investigation's unofficial fourth member, attending every: revelation with the specific attention of a man who had nothing to do in retirement and who had found: purpose — the retired colonel read: over our shoulders.

The file was: comprehensive. Wilkins had been: thorough. The report covered: eighteen months of surveillance, from January 1942 to June 1943. Every performer in Dehradun and Mussoorie. Every venue. Every song, every dance, every: utterance that Wilkins had deemed: seditious.

And at the centre: Farida.

The subject, Farida Khatoon, is assessed to be the primary organiser of seditious entertainment in the Dehradun-Mussoorie area. She composes songs of a nationalist character disguised as devotional bhajans. She distributes these compositions to other performers through a network that includes:

- Riyaz Ahmed, tabla player, her accompanist and likely romantic associate

- Lt. Vikram Singh Rawat, 18th Royal Garhwal Rifles, who provides intelligence regarding military movements and cantonment activities

- Mehernosh Bharucha (Mrs. Daruwala), Bombay, who provides financial support and safe houses

- K. Deshpande, Poona, a known Congress operative who coordinates between performer networks in Dehradun, Bombay, and Poona

- [Two additional names — minor operatives, now confirmed deceased]

The network operates through performance venues, using the entertainment licence system to access public gatherings. The songs serve as coded communication — the audience members who are part of the movement understand the references, while the general audience perceives only devotional content.

RECOMMENDATION (Updated June 1943): Immediate arrest of Farida Khatoon and associated persons. Revocation of all entertainment licences. Closure of the Odeon Theatre for public entertainment purposes.

"Immediate: arrest," I said.

"They tried," Amma said. Quietly. "They tried to: arrest her. And she: ran."

"She ran to: Bombay. To Mehernosh Bharucha. To the: safe house."

"And Grandfather? The report says he provided: intelligence. Military: intelligence. To the: movement."

"He was a: spy," Meri said. The word was: simple. Direct. The word that contained: everything that Grandfather had been and that he had: hidden. "He was a spy for the: independence movement. Working inside the British Army. Passing information to: Farida's network."

The retired colonel — Bhandari sahab — cleared his throat. The throat-clearing of a military man who was about to: speak with authority.

"If this is: true," he said, "then Colonel Rawat — your grandfather — was one of the: unrecognised heroes of the freedom movement. The INA gets: glory. The political leaders get: statues. But the intelligence operatives — the people who worked inside the: system, who passed information at the risk of: everything — they get: nothing. Because they were: secret. And the secret was: the point."

"He got: nothing," Amma said. "No recognition. No pension supplement. No freedom fighter: certificate. He came home. He bought Farida's house. He collected: brass lamps. And he: never said a word."

*

The file contained: one more thing. A note. Not Wilkins' handwriting — a different hand. Appended to the file after: the War. After: Independence. The note was dated: 1948.

Addendum: The subjects named in this report were investigated by the post-Independence intelligence services in 1947-48 as part of the reconciliation process. All subjects were cleared of any post-Independence security concerns. The network is assessed to have ceased operations in 1944 following the departure of F. Khatoon from the Dehradun area. Current whereabouts of F. Khatoon: UNKNOWN.

1948. Three years after Independence. The new Indian government had: looked for Farida. And had not: found her.

"She was: hiding," I said. "Even after Independence. Even after the: danger from the British was: gone. She was still: hiding."

"The danger wasn't: just British," Meri said. "The note says 'post-Independence intelligence services.' The new government was: also looking. Not to: arrest — to: reconcile. But Farida didn't: trust them. She had been: underground for four years. She had learned to: disappear. And disappearing had become: who she was."

"Until 1971," I said. "Until Riyaz was: dying. And she came: back."

"And then she: disappeared again."

"Where does someone: go?" Amma asked. "After 1971. After Riyaz dies. After the last person who: knows you is: gone. Where does a woman who has been: hiding for twenty-seven years: go?"

The question hung in the bookshop. Between the Premchand and the Christie. Between the: past and the present. Between the three women and the retired colonel and the: story that had become: larger than any of them had: anticipated.

"She goes somewhere: safe," I said. "Somewhere no one: looks. Somewhere she can: be — not Farida the performer, not Farida the: revolutionary, just: Farida. A woman. Growing: old."

"But: where?"

I looked at the property deed. At the: address. At the house on Rajpur Road.

"She owned property: here. In Doiwala. Before she sold it to Grandfather. Which means she: lived here. At some point. Before the War. Before: Dehradun."

"Doiwala was: her home?"

"It might have been. And if it was — if Doiwala was where she started — maybe it's where she: came back."

© 2026 Atharva Inamdar. Licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0. Free to read and share with attribution.