“It was a stunning event, and ranked right up at the top of the list of big surprises that had hit me within the previous twenty-four: hours. My girlfriend Kavya had dumped me the previous night — over a WhatsApp voice note, not even a proper call — and now I was watching a UFO land in front of: me. Both had come from out of the blue, were entirely unexpected, and caught me completely by: surprise. One was hurting me a lot more than the: other.”